Five lessons learned from being in trouble

Aah!  those early teen, post-teen, pre-adult, young adulthood years… How soon we forget.

I was recently asked, "What’s the most trouble you’ve been in?" Within a few minutes of recollecting my memory, I’d have to say that the most trouble I’ve been in involved buying a car at around age 21 that I undoubtedly could not afford. I thought (using too little brain cells) that I could afford the car, but I really couldn’t.

My spanking brand new candy apple red, manual transmission, sporty little Prelude Si sat in the parking lot of the dealership, with my name written all over it. Honest! I saw my name on it- envisioned my cute little body, leaning to the side with my braided hair extensions blowing in the wind. The sales representative saw a name too! It said s-u-c-k-e-r!  I was blinded by my stupidity, ignorance, and instant need for gratification to see the reality of the situation.

Through outrageous and absurd concessions, I purchased the car. Almost instantaneous my troubles began. I got behind in my bills, robbed Peter to pay Paul, and once physically threatened a bill collector who hinted that he would stop by my apartment to collect a payment. After repossession, then a recovery, and more struggles, I sold the car… ironically to a car dealership. No, I didn’t buy another car. I sold the car about an hour away from home. I had no idea as to how I was going to get home- I remember thinking, “it’s not like I’m going to spend the rest of my life in Cherry Hill; I’ll eventually get home.”  I was happy and relieved because I sold the car and managed to walk away with a little check in my hand.

Over time, I learned from my mistake and I recovered from the disaster. But recalling this stressful and chaotic time in my life reminded me of the lessons that I’ve learned.

1. All youth (even adults) are capable of making poor choices that can lead to some kind of trouble – I will always be there for my children

2. When our kids fall to error, it doesn’t mean that the world has come to an end. It just means that we help them up, dust them off, affirm that they can learn from the mistake, don’t repeat the same mistake, and continue to move forward

3. The opportunities to grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually are often masked as nuisances

4. Don’t forget to laugh

5. Remember when... What’s the most trouble you’ve been in?

What I recently learned...

What have you learned lately?  I don’t mean metaphorically but an actual skill that you recently learned such as knitting, painting, photography, or something else that may be of interest to you.

Consider this post to be your “what have you done for yourself lately” first of the year check up.  I am adamant about us moms and career women scheduling time for ourselves.  In between cooking dinner, shuttling the kids from one activity to another, homework duty, laundry, and or other routine commissions, we must be diligent in carving out some me time. 

Creating time for yourself will free you up physically and mentally to explore your own personal interests, have a little fun, and learn a new skill.  I recently set out to learn raq's sharki, more popularly known as belly dancing.  That’s right!  OMG!  It’s so much fun but much more challenging than it looks.  I took the class at a time that I knew would work for me. I also made certain to avoid scheduling any activities for the entire family around “my” time. 

The first day of class with dance shoes in hand, I was awfully nervous.  As a little girl, I always wanted to take dance, but never got the opportunity and here I was some 30+ years later, taking my first dance class.

Although the class was listed as intermediate, out of six students, I was the only first-time student.  My instructor was knowledgeable and provided a detailed history of the form.  As we moved into the basic forms, I have never felt so awkward and uncoordinated in my life. And to be completely honest with you, as the only woman of color and definitely the youngest in the class, I felt self-imposed pressured to instantaneously swing my hips to the beat of the music.   Nope!  It didn’t happen!  Ha! Not even close!

I work out- I’m in shape- I like to swing my hips and to get my dance on-   But the art of belly dancing requires a different type of movement and it wasn’t going to happen as quickly as I thought and hoped that it would. The movement focuses on technique not rhythm. My hamstrings and gluts ached and burned liked I was lifting weights.  Oh yeah, it was a workout for sure.

Throughout most classes, I found myself laughing aloud and harder than anyone else.  I guess you could say that I was crackin myself up at my attempts to shimmy to the beat of the mysterious Egyptian music.  The other ladies smiled and encouraged me but probably thought I was nuts.  I didn’t care because I was having a blast. I had fun and will definitely take the class again.  Check out this video.  Someday I envision myself moving like this. 

At the end of each class, I realized that I felt a sense of accomplishment and gratification.  I relaxed, I laughed, I had fun, and managed to focus 100% without my mind wondering outside of the room. What an amazing way to conclude my day. Go ahead, I dare you, try something new and be sure to have a blast!

Have you ever lied about your age?

Have you ever lied about your age?  The question was recently posted as a writing prompt on WordPress.com. 

No.  I haven’t lied about my age, nor have I felt the need to do so.  For the most part, I’ve always felt comfortable in the space that comes with the age in question.  At age 17,  I was the youngest Front Desk Agent at Harrah’s at Trump Plaza Casino and made no excuses for it.  Naïve, hard working, free spirited, high-strung, risk taking, down right crazy and more; all of it came natural at 17 and I enjoyed every minute of it.  As a youth, I didn’t want to be perceived to be any older than I was.  Um… with one small exception…  and that was when I was underage making a purchase at a liquor store. 

Throughout time, people have always lied or misrepresented their real age.  I’m not posting to cast judgment on their personal choices, but instead to ponder over the question.  As a 45-year-old wife and mother, I am extremely pleased and happy to be in my current space.  Forty-five years of life has licensed and cultured me to become smarter, to become wiser, and to acknowledge the harsh reality that I still don’t know much of anything.  To deny my age is to deny my present state of existence.  I accept who I am now. 

I know that some celebrity’s lie about their age as a means to maintain the perception of youth.  A youthful appearance may prolong a career.  Of course, there’s much to be said about the double standard set for women and men in Hollywood, but I’ll reserve that discussion for another day.

At work, some of the high school students are astonished to learn my age.  I don’t hide it; it’s not taboo for me to state my age, so I tell the truth.  Then I laugh at their response when I ask, “What does a 45 year-old woman suppose to look like?”   They stumble over their words trying to explain that age 45 is old.  Lol!!  It’s hilarious!  But truthfully, as a teen, I too thought that age 45 was old.  Thanks to my parents, I’ve been blessed with a decent set of genes, but quite honestly, I don’t think that I look any better than the average middle-aged mom. Furthermore, I've seen other beautiful and drop-dead gorgeous moms out there who make me double take.  I definitely acknowledge that making a conscience effort to take care of myself and to avoid unnecessary drama has helped me to mentally and physically stay in shape.

Regardless of the physical attributes that come with being forty something, what I love most about my current age and cycle is the confidence, the insight, and the tranquil nature that has come about.  I hope and pray that I continue to age healthy and gracefully and promise myself to always be honest with myself and others about my age.

Have you lied about your age?  Why or why not?

Reconnect with a family member or friend today

It is now 43 days into the New Year and 36 days since my last post.  Whoa!  That’s way too long. While I am disappointed that I started the New Year with fewer posts, I am still very much committed to my blog and refuse to give up. 

Today I attended a family member’s funeral.  The basis of our gathering was somber, however, the positive energy and enthusiasm that brought the family together was refreshing.  I was delighted that the difference of opinions, attitudes, ages, values, and beliefs that typically cause anxiety and squabbles during family gatherings such as weddings and funerals, did not permeate today’s gathering.

I united with family members, some of whom I haven’t seen in ten years or more.  My son made acquaintance with cousins, young and old.  It was so cool watching the kids little faces light up with surprise and amazement at meeting new relatives.  The adults greeted one another with gigantic smiles; breathing taking hugs, and lipstick stained kisses, all genuine with sincere warmth.  I enjoyed partaking in the event, as well as, witnessing the affection and love tossed about the room.

Reflecting on the days events, I cannot help but wonder how is it that throughout the year we’re all busy with our own individual lives and cannot squeeze the time in for a phone call, a card, an email, or a visit, but when someone dies, we stop everything to pay our respects and to say farewell to our loved one.  We often take off from work and school; find baby sitters that previously didn’t exist, and find ways to travel hundreds and thousands of miles across waterways and roadways.  Any previously scheduled events or appointments manage to take a back seat and the world continues to revolve.

“Why do we have to wait until someone dies, for us to get together?” is a heartfelt sentiment that many of us have either spoken or heard at funerals.  And yes, I also heard the words muttered today.  We rhetorically ask the question, know the answer, but don’t usually change our behavior- we simply continue to mundanely ask the question.

Three years ago after the passing of a very dear cousin, I committed to reach out to distant love ones more often.  And while, I’ve partially followed through with my commitment, I need to re-commit to follow through even more often.  We’ve all said it- over and over again, but do not take any course of action to change it?  Most often not, but I’m going to work harder at it month by month in 2011. 

What family member or friend have you not seen in a while?  Whom have you thought about recently?  Take a moment right now and do something about it.  Make yourself a note and take some kind of action to reach out to them.  Texts, facebook, email, or make the call.  If you don’t have his or her contact information, reach out to someone who does…   As the Pastor suggested today, we don’t get advance notice that our number is up, it just happens.  Reach out today while you still can.