Parenting has to be the toughest job on the planet. Every time I get cocky and think I have this parenting role down pat, I’m thrown a curve ball. Geez!

How many times in frustration or anger have you told your kid that if they did, you fill in the blank, one more time, you were going to, you fill in the blank? If you’re like most parents, at least once in your life you’ve told your kid that you were going to do something that you know darn well you wouldn’t do. Yup! I’m guilty too.

I’ve learned to be more careful about those ridiculous outbursts because those words could come back and haunt me. For I know that if I don’t do what I said I was going to do, I’ve completely lost credibility with my child. And losing credibility with my child means nothing but trouble. Keeping that in mind, I thought I’d share a story with you.

My son is going through a typical but frustrating phase that some kids go through… it’s the unthinkable…. Stealing!!! There I said it. Why? Because you may have some advice for me or you may learn something from my experience.

He’s eight. About two months ago, this unfortunate phase started. The first offense was at a store. He was made to return the item, which he’d opened and we made him pay for it. We went through the typical parental lecture about doing the right thing, choice, consequences, and so forth. This was the first time and I firmly believe that his actions were impulsive.

The second offense, about one month later, was more deliberate and calculating. He took an item from his older sister and fibbed about it. Two days later, the truth came out. We talked about it and he was punished. AND… out of frustration, he was told that if “it” the stealing happened again, that I was going to take him to the police. Yes, I did!  Of course, I thought he learned his lesson (mistake), so I didn’t think too much about it.

Don’t you know it!! About four weeks later, little man did it again!!!! I picked him up from school and a teacher delivered the bad news. My words came back to haunt me with a vengeance. I knew what I had to do, but I really didn’t have the time nor did I want to make the time. I asked my son if he remembered what I told him that I would do if he stole again. Oh yes! He remembered! “The police station?” He was horrified and scared to death. As pissed off as I was, it was hard not to bust out laughing when I caught a glimpse of his terrified face in my rear view mirror.

His ride to the local police station must have felt like a death sentence. For a moment, I wondered if I was needlessly traumatizing my child. I pondered if the theft was a phase or would my darling baby grow up to be a felon. Who knows? Of course no one wants to think that their child will grow up to be a criminal. But the fact of the matter is that all the criminals walking the face of the earth belong to someone! Tanya, you’re doing the right thing, keep driving.

At the police station, I was greeted by a receptionist. “How can I help you?” Frustration and annoyance drove me to say, “Hi! This is my eight year old son. We have a problem, he’s a thief and he needs to see a police officer!” She tried to maintain her composer and left to get an officer.

A police officer and a detective lectured to my son about positive and negative choices and the consequences that come along with personal choices. So that he could understand and visualize the consequences of stealing and other illegal offenses, he was taken to the holding cell, all while I waited in the hallway. I know! It all sounds harsh, but it wasn’t a scene from scared straight. He needed this. Taking his privileges away at home, didn’t work, so a different approach was needed.

On the way home, we discussed his actions and what he learned from his visit to the police station. Later when his dad got home from work, we talked more about why he did what he did. A week and a half later he’s still on probation (at home) and is working hard to earn his favorite toys and our trust back.

Will he steal again? I don’t know. Hopefully he learned from the experience. Will others disagree with my actions? Yes. I just know that parenting is trial and error. What works for one child may not work for another child. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely! For me, it’s tough love and a constant reminder that in addition to holding my son accountable for his actions, that must also hold myself accountable for my actions and for my words. The school of parenting is amazing!  I will continue to enroll and give it my best!

Seasonal Simplicities

With less than ten shopping days until Christmas, I feel like I’ve steered off the road to the joyous and gleeful holiday season, to a roadside ditch. I feel like I might need a tow truck to get me back on the road.

I particularly enjoy the holidays because I am blessed to spend time with family and friends. You know, quality time without all of the routine rush and interruptions. During our holiday gatherings, we eat, play games, sit around chatting, eat some more, recall loved ones who are no longer with us, eat some more, and talk about whatever else comes to mind. I know, I said “eat” like three times, but that’s what we really do… eat. Over the years, we’ve had a ball with our enormous but fun gift exchange. I enjoy the tactic of trying to surprise each person on my list with a special and meaningful gift. It’s my way of saying thanks for being a part of my life.

So here I am with a few days left to shop and, with a few exceptions, I have yet to start!  Typically, I enjoy the last minute (a week before Christmas) shopping rush. The bargains are outrageous and send me into a tizzy! I usually do the, one for me, one for them shopping method. However, this season, every time I pick up a paper to look for bargains, I am drawn to read an article about layoffs or some other sad or heartbreaking economic news. Honestly, I’m filled with mixed emotions. Gratitude! For today I am blessed with good health, a healthy family, employment, a roof over my head, food on the table, and the ability to help others. Sadness! For those who are struggling in so many ways. I know. There have and will always be struggles. I just feel as though I’m seeing more of the struggles. Is it because I’m getting old(er)? Is it because I’m viewing the world differently? I keep asking myself what’s the deal? Is it because those being affected are closer to me? I don’t know- I just know what I see and what I feel. And yes. I know that I cannot help everyone; to try and do that would put my own well-being in jeopardy.

For this reason, I firmly believe that those who are in the position to help others should do so. Help doesn’t necessarily mean giving up money; time is just as valuable. You could offer to baby sit, pick up an item or two from the grocery store, donate clothes, read to a child or elder, serve food at a shelter, or whatever else you decide you can give. The idea is to just do something for someone other than you and- Continue to do so long after the holiday season have passed.

As a result of the economic madness and turmoil, I’ve done a little self-reflection. It’s been downright freakish and eye opening. What I have versus what I need versus what I want. Whoa!! I see some un-necessaries! I know- that may not be a real word, but I like the way it sounds. For most of us, we gain comfort from certain personal luxuries. We work hard and believe that we earned whatever pleasure we chose to indulge in. While our guilty pleasures vary from person to person, the feeling is of the same. Delight!

Anyway for 2011, I’ve committed to re-evaluate and simplify my life. No, I’m not going to be extreme and try to grow all of my herbs, vegetables, and other produce in my backyard. As much as I'd like to do that, it won't work for me right now. I will be more practical with my time and my money. I have committed to evaluate what is really important to me and to my family. To give unused items, that sit boxed and collect dust to others in need and not to replace the “stuff” with new “stuff” that’s just going to collect more dust or require more storage space.

I was curious to know if there was any buzz going on in cyberspace about simplifying life or returning to a simpler lifestyle, so I searched “back-to-basics living,” on several search engines. I didn’t find any new or startling information. However, I did find a few blogs, websites, and books on the topics. Perhaps I am misinformed and just didn’t recognize that a larger part of the population is already living a simpler lifestyle; I don’t know for certain.

What I do know is that with the remaining days leading to the holiday, I need to spiritually reconnect and find a solid balance between enjoying the season and doing what I can to help someone in need. 
Happy Holidays!

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.

To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity.

To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

-- Oren Arnold

Eight O'clock Wakeup

After six shadow at 8:30 in the morning.  Fly away chocolate curls.  Scrunched and wrinkled shirt appearing as if just removed from the bottom of a week old laundry basket. Tucked in neatly; disguised as a crisp, cleaned and freshly starched shirt. Familiar scent of old garbage that has lost its smell. Un-stylishly loose fitting navy khaki slacks made to fit.  Can’t see the foot gear. Simultaneous firm and weak handshake.  A wince- a grimace- pain.  Ouch!  That’s from punching a wall last night.  Good Morning!  A warm smile.  Later… rain…. Tears

This was the start of my workday today.  Sad, but true.  A full-fledged adult.  College educated by way of Penn State.  Homeless.  Crime victim.  Broken spirit.

My Family My Love

Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.

                                                                                                           

                                              - Jim Rohn

One week ago Sunday our family returned from an amazing vacation. Although we booked the trip a year ago, the timing could not have been better.  Our son just completed his second year of taxi football, the first marking period was nearly over, and he only missed three days of school.

This trip would be our son’s first airplane ride and his first cruise.  We kept it a secret from him, which made the weeks and days leading to the vacation very difficult for me.  The anticipation of his reaction pumped my heart like I was running on the treadmill. He’s full of energy, extremely animated, and like me he loves surprises!

He didn’t realize that we were boarding the plane until the final moment.  You wouldn’t have known that it was six in the morning.  “Mom! Dad!  I can’t believe we’re on an airplane!”  “We’re flying!”   Eyes popping and blinking erratically, he commented that it was too dark outside and that he couldn’t see the clouds.  The passengers around us couldn’t help but laugh and share in his enthusiasm.  

Both hubby and I couldn’t’ have been any happier! Every child and parent should experience moments like this; they’re priceless.

Three hours later, we approached the ship.  I think he stopped breathing when he saw the monstrous ship.  At each stopping point, our son chatted with the staff.  He had words for the cab driver, the skycap, immigration, and anyone else that make eye contact with him.

Hurricane Tomas forced a change to our itinerary.  We were supposed to go to Labadee, Haiti, Costa Maya, Mexico and Cozumel, Mexico.  Instead we still visited Costa Maya and Cozumel, but spent two days at sea and finally visited Nassau, Bahamas.

The changes didn’t adversely affect our trip.  Our son enjoyed snorkeling, made several new friends, participated in a talent show, marched in a Halloween parade and most importantly, had mom and dad all to himself.  No phones, no facebook, no computers, just mom and dad!  He enjoyed every minute and so did we! 

The trip was certainly about cultivation.   With no time constraints, homework, football practice or telephone distractions, I felt so much more at ease.  We laughed more during dinner, took in the beautiful sights and sounds of the Caribbean ocean and enjoyed the pleasantries of sleeping late every day. 

Our son has already told us that he’s ready for the next trip!  To make the next trip complete and to keep our family relationship flourishing and growing, we’re hoping that our daughter join us. 

The destination of our next trip isn’t as important as making the effort and taking the time to plan quality time with my family.   I can't wait until the next trip!  Ideas anyone?

It's Been a Minute

There is no where enough time to say all that I want to say, but I'm pressed to post something on this page.  It's been way too long and I don't want anyone to think that I've abandoned the site.  No Way!

Since the last post, I've taken a wonderful Western Caribbean cruise with my husband and our son.  Thankfully we were not subjected to the horror of those who were recently stuck in Mexico on the Carnival ship.  Anyway our trip was amazing and to experience the trip through the eyes of an eight year old was fascinating!  Later I will post on the trip and say why parents should vacation with their kids.

Since the last post Alex has had several medical procedures and once again, genders have different perspectives about something.  Alex is "family" to me.  He is a "pet" to hubby.  What's the difference?  I say that due to Alex medical procedures, he should receive lots of tender loving care.  Since he cannot get comfortable in his crate, I think he should be upstairs in our bedroom- he's quite and is nearly housebroken. Hubby--- well-- Alex is a pet and he's not 100% housebroken, so he belongs down stair....PERIOD!   Who was it that insisted on a dog?  Lol!  just looking back.

The holidays are quickly approaching and I have some thoughts about the subject-- again... that's to be discussed later.

To solve my inability to write when I feel the urge, I'm researching net books. I plan to live with mine.   If anyone reading this has a net book, I'd love to hear about what you like or dislike about yours.  Please share. 

It's past my bedtime now, so I will chat with you again soon.

Time For An Exhilirating Run



My medal!

 Today I ran the half-marathon in the 52nd Annual Atlantic City Marathon. The run was exhilarating! I arrived at Boardwalk Hall around 7:30 a.m. The air was cool but crisp. None of the runners, including me were bothered by the cool air blowing off the Atlantic Ocean. It’s difficult for me to put into words what I felt amongst the runners, but it was fabulous.

 

I felt masses of positive energy of which I wanted to bottle up and save for the upcoming work week. I don’t know how many runners registered, but at the start of the run, runners were lined up shoulder to shoulder. The crowd was so tight that you were either stepping on someone’s foot or someone was stepping on your foot. There were a few beach balls bouncing off the heads and hands of the runners, but no one cared; it was all in good fun. Everyone was jovial, mannerly, energetic and eager to start.

 

The average runner set a personal goal and winning the race wasn’t the objective. I’ve driven through Atlantic City for over 20 years, yet the view was quite different from a runner’s perspective. It was a luminous morning! As I paced myself to complete the 13.1 miles, I didn’t have a care in the world. My head bopped to my music. I laughed at some of the sights- Was amazed at a juggling marathon runner- inspired by runners old enough to be my parent- and in awe of others who dashed effortlessly pass me.

 

Joy filled my soul and my spirit. I was on cloud nine or perhaps experiencing the notorious "runners high!"  I was delighted that in spite of my half hazard training, I squeezed in- No. I mean made time for me to participate in an activity that is important to me. My unofficial time was 2:05 and a few seconds. My goal was to finish at 2 hours or just under. I fell short by 5 minutes, but I still feel great about my personal accomplishment.

 

That’s the gist of this post. Find time for you! No matter what! You’re a mom, but you’re also a person who has personal dreams and goals. If you spend your entire life solely committed to your family; leaving yourself out of the equation, you’re destined for woe. The kids won’t suffer if they participate in one less activity so that you can pick a day or two to guiltlessly pursue your interests. Go ahead!  Think forward and make some time for you!  Oh, and make certain to have fun doing whatever it is that you set out to do!  Have a blast like I did today!

My Lucky Number!

Sesame Street: I Love My Hair!

A friend shared this Sesame Street Video on her Facebook page and the timing could not have been better!  My friend's sentiments that "she wished she had saw this as a little girl" are felt by so many women with kinky curly hair.

I hope that Sesame street creates a series, if one does not already exists, of videos like this for children of all ethnicity's who don't fit into the "average" category.  

The extremely tall, the super short, bone skinny, plump, chunky, exotic eyes, noes, lips, big feet and more!   All of our baby girls deserve to know that they are BEAUTIFUL no matter how different they are.  If you haven't already viewed the view, do so and pass it on so other moms can share it with their daughters.

Good Job Sesame Street!

Learning to Appreciate Natural Beauty

Eight years ago on my Birthday, I spontaneously entered a hair salon with shoulder length hair.  A few hours later, I strolled out sporting less than a half inch of hair.  I felt liberated.  I could drive my car with the windows open and truly not care about my hair. No more hair appointments, touch ups and long hot days under the dryer.  Hello to the barber shop for a quick and cheap trim.

OT my barber and Sally's home texturizing kit was my routine for eight years.

In June, I was inspired by ShidaNatural to go all natural.  Since then I've learned that leaving the house with hairs (quite a few) out of place won't cause the world to stop revolving.  I have yet to receive the award for the most jacked up hairstyle of the week.  Women- some of us spend countless hours trying to get every strand in place and for what?  To walk outside and have the wind modify our hair in a matter of minutes. I am in love with the wild yet tamed look of the big natural hair.

ShidaNatural is teaching me to appreciate my natural hair and how to maintain a healthier head of hair.  I  am learning how to use the best products for my hair and the importance of using the proper technique to achieve the desired style.

More importantly I am learning to appreciate my God-given natural attributes that I've disliked and tried to mask for most of my life.  Starting with my hair.  I've always hated it.  Always wishing it was something other than what it is- darker, heavier, better texture-  buying into the hype of what's "good hair" vs. "bad hair."  In learning how to work with what I got, I am actually having fun!  Every day is a surprise.  Some days I adore my do.  Some days I cringe, but wear a smile anyway. Other days, I share a hardy laugh with me and the mirror at 5 in the morning.

Thanks Ronny Cedeno!

     I love this story!  I never thought that I would relate to a male professional baseball player, but Ronny Cedeño changed that for me.  The guy actually made me feel normal.  Ha! Ha!  Cedeno, a Pittsburg Pirate baseball player wore the wrong jersey for three innings.  Although he did wear the team's jersey, the jersey was the Spanish version.

Asking For Help is Strength

I have always considered myself to be an athlete. Yes. Really! In high school, the 400 meter relay was my favorite event and my first attempt at it was at age 14. I also ran the 400 meter hurdles and the open 400. Right from the start I was hooked on running. Now, some 30+ years later, I still enjoy the runner’s high aka “endorphins.” I consider myself to be an athlete because of my passion for exercise, for competing, and even more so, the sense of accomplishment from completing every run.This morning I read a sad story about professional athletes who don’t ask for help. The story was a "ah-ha" moment for me, which leads me to conclude that athletes are not always taught to ask for help and… neither are mom! The story’s headline reads, “Despite resources, players reluctant to seek help.” Most of us know at least one person, include ourselves, who have needed help, may or may not have had the resources, had but did not ask for help. The story resonated with me because the two athletes discussed, Pro-Bowler Barret Robbins and Kenny McKinley appeared to live the all American athlete’s dream. A great salary,professional football career, fame, and more, yet both lives have taken a downward spiral. McKinley’s story tragically ends with suicide, reportedly caused by depression from injuries that kept him off the field.  Robbin’s professional career is over. Perhaps there is still time for him. According to reports, Robbin was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, served time in jail for attempted murder and probation violation, was ordered to receive treatment in a substance abuse treatment facility, and in 2009 was moved to half-way house. I don’t know, we can only hope and pray that he recovers. And recovery doesn’t necessarily mean a return to his professional football career, but more of a resuscitation back to living a healthy and productive life.

Alex Update

                               

I'll be the first to admit that I love the blazing summer heat, but the fresh cool breeze of September is refreshing and I can honestly say that I'm enjoying it.

My son is back to school and both hubby and I are back to work.  And- I'm missing Alex!!  He's still with us, I just miss him when I go to work.  Never thought "it" would happen so quickly, but "it" has.  "It" being...  I've fallen in love with our little pooch!  If I thought that I could sneak him in to work and get away with it, I would.  Ha! Ha!  He is just so adorable, I'd do just about anything for him.  OMG!  Do I sound like a new parent or what?   It's hard to believe that I was the one resisting a new family member, but it is true.

Truth of the matter is that, I am so glad that we waited until school let out.  We've had a solid two months to get adjusted and to find a system that will work for our family.

Alex is being trained using the crate method.  Yeah, I know.  Some people have a problem with this method, but I'm here to tell you that it's working!  It's not error proof, but it's consistent and everyone is happy.  We've had accidents and there will be more, but everyone, including Alex is okay with the crate.

September's New Beginnings: Getting Organized

For me, September resonates feelings similar to the beginning of a new year. Teachers and students return to school.  Both anticipate a successful school year; almost everyone starts out with  a clean slate.  It is a new chapter for college freshman as they plot their course in their new life away from home.   September brings about transition for many households.  One of the first indicators for me is when my favorite commercial comes on.  You know, the one where the mom joyfully skips through the aisles of the office supply store to the tune of  "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!" And the kids look on in disgust. I love it!!

Is There a Problem With Multi-tasking?

Is there such a thing as just too much multi-tasking? Yesterday afternoon I found myself, washing, drying, ironing clothes, cooking dinner, entertaining my son, watching the dog, and staining my bathroom vanity, all the while rockin and boppin to my favorite reggae music! This is insane. I felt okay though; no pressure, no stress, just trying to get it all done. Although I wasn’t stressed or anything, I did honestly wonder if something was seriously wrong with me. Maybe I need to see a doctor or get tested. Maybe I’m perfectly normal and this is just what moms do. Rarely do we have down time, so typically, and when time permits, I think we try to accomplish as much as we can.

Saving Our Daughters: Can we?

"I'd say about 16.  I lost my virginity and the whole sexual world sparked my interest." "I think it was just wanting to explore sexuality," she goes on. "I know it's such a big world I was just like, wow, well since I like sex. . .I wanted to see everything that I would like, every kind of fantasy I would like and porn is a way that I could explore that."  These shocking words quoted by E are the words of Montana Fishburne, the daughter of Lawrence Fishburne.

Lessons in Motherhood

There is no doubt in my mind that the dynamics of a mother-daughter relationship has many layers and  at some point in time, it all comes full circle. My relationship with my mother is complicated, and has been since my early teens.  Is it the same for all mother-daughters?  I hope not, but I do realize that both mothers' and daughters'' go through phases that can bring about conflict. Is it the same for father-sons relationships?  I don’t know.

Jumping to Conclusions: Let's Not!

"We look into mirrors but we only see the effects of our times on us--not our effects on others." - Pearl Bailey

For the past few days, I’ve listened and read in disgust to media reports about Agriculture Department Employee, Shirley Sherrod.  Ms. Sherrod was asked to resign, which in my opinion, is the same as being terminated, for segments of a video of a speech that she made at an NAACP event. An edited clip of her speech was released, which significantly mislead the public-  After the clip's release, all hell, broke loose.

Our New Addition To The Family: Alex!

Meet Alex!  Alex is the newest member of our family.  It was only a few months ago that I was going through some serious doggy drama in my home.   Hubby wanted a pooch right away, but I wanted to wait until the summer.   Needless to say, the drama is over (I hope).  Since early June, we (hubby and I), have searched around for the right puppy for our home. 

Initially, hubby  wanted a French Bull Dog-  I wanted a smaller dog such as a Yorkie.   My close friend Michelle, aka Shit Zu Advocate, urged us to consider a Shit Zu.   We are so glad that we listened to her; Alex is a Shit Zu and is well suited for our family.

Alex is 12 weeks old.  We like to think that he picked us as parents not the contrary.  After

Strategic Shopping

     It’s been a while since my last post.  All I can say is that, after my last day of school, I shifted into vacation mode.   Actually, the first two weeks of my vacation, I was quite productive and finished several projects at home.  You know- the stuff that’s hard to get to during the regular work schedule; cleaning/reorganizing the kids room, filing, etc…   After week two, I kicked back into vacation mode and that’s where I’ve been ever since.  

And Just One Day

Woke up 38 minutes later than I was supposed to
Left for work 17 minutes later than I should have
Arrived at work with a bright smile and one minute to spare
Left work on time
Went to the supermarket to discover tonight’s dinner
Picked up my son from school 52 minutes after school let out (he went to aftercare)
No homework for my son tonight… hallelujah!
Put (actually shoved) groceries in fridge
Changed clothes into something more comfortable
Marinate turkey london broil for the grill tomorrow
Cooked entire meal on the grill (thank God for warmer weather)
While cooking—notice filthy kitchen floor—didn’t look that way this morning
Feed son and mom (hubby not home yet)
Washed dishes
Bathed son & put him to bed
Scrubbed kitchen floor on my hands & knees (I swear!)
Put a load of towels in the washing machine
Boot up computer to complete online class assignments
Wondering what the hell is wrong with me!   Ha! Ha!  Am I normal?
Can’t wait until Friday(tomorrow)… Can’t wait until my vacation begins (13 days)…. very soon!

Letting Go

Three years ago, my daughter returned home from completing her freshman year of college and up until recently, I’d forgotten (intentionally) about the shocking experience. The memory was resurrected when I found myself engaged in a conversation and offering up advice to two college students just returning home from their freshman year of college.  Both were frustrated and were talking about how their moms were having trouble “letting go.”  Like most college students who live on campus, they thoroughly enjoyed their first year of newfound freedom, but quickly discovered when returning home, that all of their freedom quickly vanish at the arrival of their parent’s doorstep.  I swear, I can laugh now, but that junk was not funny when I was living what felt like was a nightmare.  I re-lived quite a few moments as the two swapped stories- “when I was at school, there were no rules!”  “Geez!  What am I going to do at home that I didn’t and couldn’t have already done at school?”  “Should I tell my mom that I’m going to the movies, or should I ask?”  “I’m so confused!”   Their words stirred up lucid memories of my battle and my struggle with my daughter’s return from college.

Finding Scholarship Money

If I haven’t already mentioned in a previous post, I am eager to start Grad School; however, the cost to do so is astronomical!!   Wait- It’s not just graduate school, but undergraduate programs as well.  So regardless of whether you are trying to fund your child’s education or your own, brace yourself… it isn’t cheap!  Since I’m a nontraditional student, who graduated eons ago and don’t have the 4.0 undergraduate GPA, no one is chomping at the bits to throw any cash my way.  As of today though, my employer still offers tuition reimbursement (as long as I meet the requirements), but with all the recent cuts from Governor Christie, nothing is guaranteed.

Pre-Fab Fix

... My name today--  Tanya "Pre-Fab" Cain.  I'm serious.  Tailor has soccer practice soon.  I have an hour and half to whip something resembling a nutritious meal together that I honestly look in the mirror and say, "I did cook dinner tonight!"  Ha! Ha!  I'm so for real.  I know it's not the home made stuff, but I don't have time, nor am I interested in making home made pasta.  For my fabulous pre-fab dish, click on the link below:

http://lexasrecipes.blogspot.com/

Attending The Concert

Today I am recovering (actually my feet) from my adventures last night at The House of Blues. We told our daughter that we would attend the concert last night, and although both my husband and me just wanted to chill at home, we wanted to keep our word to her and attended anyway.

Just before the concert, we saw our daughter and her boyfriend.  We talked for a few quick minutes and off they went with excitement to film the night’s events.  I thought, how cool is that; age 20 and filming on stage at a concert held at a casino in Atlantic City.  

While my husband and I waited outside the entrance for my cousin, I couldn’t help but notice the difference in the unspoken dress code of the, what I refer to as, the teeny boppers!   I thought I was dressed down with my jeans, chained spaghetti strapped knitted top and 3 inch heals, but I couldn’t be further off.  Ohm god!   At 44, I felt like I had stepped into a time machine.  Wait!  Maybe I shouldn’t blame it on my age and should just consider that I am just a tad bit out of touch with the latest fashion styles.  I think I do okay at work, but the social scene is a completely different world.  Nevertheless, most of the kids had the same jeans and sneakers on that we had on earlier in the day- darn, we didn’t have to change our clothes.

Riding The Wave: My Style!

 
      When I was 20, my daughter’s age, I was inundated with advice and pressure from my mother to do everything the way that she wanted me to do things, and boy oh boy, did that bring on some serious drama. To the point where I was kicked out of the house.  I furiously rebelled and did the opposite of what she told me to do, even when I knew she was right.  I did the opposite mainly because she was so persistent about me doing things “her way” and wouldn’t indulge me at the least to try and see things from my perspective.   The point is that in her mind, I was still a child, who wasn’t entitled to an opinion (even at 20) and should continue to do as I was told… period.   I told myself that if I had children, I would never pressure them with such ridiculous demands. 

     Fast forward to some 20 some years later and yikes!!  My words have come back to haunt me!   Oh man… they come quicker than we want them to.  My daughter will be 21 in two weeks.  She’s a film major completing her junior year in college and was recently presented with an incredible opportunity that would send most parents into a tizzy and them some!  I’m still laughing…    laugh or cry?  In my eyes, she’s still a baby, who’s not quite as hip as her counterparts (or so I think).  

     She left today to go on a Four-City East Coast Tour with an upcoming Hip-Hop Artist who’s the opening act for a Grammy Award Winning Hip Hop Artist & Producer.   She’s filming a documentary on this promising  (so I'm told) hip-hop artist, so she’s following him with her camera everywhere on the tour.  

Remaining Present on Easter

It’s two days past Easter and, for those of us living in South Jersey, the weather is amazing!  It’s 88 degrees outside! We haven’t felt temps like this since early fall last year.  With the weather being so nice, you might be wondering, why the heck am I not outside enjoying the weather, but I really am enjoying the day.

I’m sitting in my kitchen nook, doing what I do best:  multi-tasking!!  Lol!  The sliding glass door is open; all of the windows are open; and the ceiling fan is circulating an abundance of fresh air throughout the house.  I’m babysitting for a friend.  My son and two other kids ages 7 & 9 just came in from outside and are drained from playing in the heat.  Gee, I never thought that I could even think about mouthing the word “heat” when just a month ago, we were buried in snow. Anyway, all three kids are quietly lying on the sofa watching “Finding Nemo” for the umpteenth time!  And me…. Walla!   I’m trying to get my writing thing on…

Recently, a colleague gave me a copy of Russell Simmons, “Do You!” It’s a great read, a little philosophical, but yet, incredibly thought provoking. Quite a few passages have really struck me, one such passage reads:

         “The most powerful step in realizing your potential is simply to be present in the
         world.  That might seem so obvious that it barely bears repeating, but operating
         outside of the present is actually what separates all of us from the happiness we
         desire.”  “Too often we spend our lives drifting between the past and the future,
         instead of rooting ourselves in the moment.  And living like that, you become
         your worst enemy.  You wait for things to happen instead of making them
         happen.  You imagine what happiness is like instead of appreciating the
         happiness that is already present in your life…  You must embrace the present. 
         Never forget that…”

A New Look...

The fireplace is sizzling, dinner is cooking, mom is out until tomorrow, and the environment is almost idyllic for writing- Or so I thought. I’m listening to the sound of the fireplace crackle with a little background noise: light snoring from hubby, my favorite TV show, Devine Design by Candise Olson, and my son reading aloud. Perhaps this really isn’t the right time to write, but when will it be? To be honest, I’m not quite sure when… I’m just trying to muli-task and get a few items crossed off of my to-do list. The truth of the matter is that, I’d rather be the one snoring on the sofa; after all, I worked another six-day work week this week. Our school district is making up snow days so, for the first time in over eight years, I find myself working on a Saturday and, it’s kicking my butt. I’m not complaining, because in these tough economic times, I’m happy to be employed.

Okay, I’m getting a little side tracked here. The spring like weather last week and the forecast of 78 degree temperatures for the upcoming week has put me in the cleaning, spruce up, throw out, and get ready for the summer mode. Can you tell?  I’ve changed the look of my blog; new colors and a new format. What do you think?  I’m still not 100% set on it and I am still looking at other possibilities, because it usually takes me awhile to decide on décor. So please, if you could take a moment and share your opinion, I'd really appreicate it.

Anyway, I’m suppose to be writing a little something about getting organized, but with all the distractions, I’m not feeling very organized right now. In any case, below are a few ideas.

Standing My Ground... It Wasn't Easy!

The idea for this post came from a chat with a friend; thanks Shawn!

My dog journey is a perfect example of the struggle to maintain balance in my life while trying to meet the needs of my family.

Sometime during the holiday break, my husband decided that our 7 year old had to have a dog right away. I’m not sure what sparked the urgent need for a dog, but my husband was relentless in getting this dog; like an angry pit bull, he sunk his teeth into the idea and would not let go. I think he latched on to the idea from watching our son interact with my cousin’s cat. Tailor is a typical busy little boy who cannot sit still. Other than outdoor activity, his DS game, or a movie, it’s difficult for him to sit still. GG, the cat, does the trick.


I love dogs and grew up with them, but, January is not the time to bring a puppy into our home. Trying to get my husband to understand this seemed like an impossible task.

Yes... Turkey CAN be tasty!

Wow!  Cannot believe that I am blogging again!  I am trying not to get too excited, but two consecutive days is BIG for me.

On Sunday's I try to prepare a big meal so that it lasts for at least one day.  Actually- the truth is that I want at least two days of leftovers so that I can start the week not having to rush home to cook.  That is the only reason why I cook larger meals on Sundays- Not because I love to slave in the kitchen making a mountain of dirty pots and pans to clean.

Anyway, today I was busy and wanted to get a few things done...  To do a little cleaning, take a 8 mile jog, and take my son out to ride his bike...  Oh yes!  And to cook dinner!   Not necessarily in that order.  So I wanted to prepare a meal that was quick without me slaving over the oven and stove.  It came out really tasty and that's according to the "maternal critic" aka mom, not me.   Jamie and our son enjoyed it, so I'm sharing it with you.   I'll just call it-   "T's BBQ Shredded Turkey"

MY SQUEEZE ON TIME!

    It has been 12 days and some 16 hours since my last post.  At the start of this project, I committed and swore to myself that not one week would go by without at least one post. Oh well!  While I’m disappointed that I haven’t blogged for more than a few days, I can live with that fact.  Let’s see- job… check…. home… check… family… check… health…. check-   Really, the world hasn’t ended.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. This approach works for me and helps me to maintain my sanity. We all know that life can be quite challenging, so I try really hard to not take life too seriously. Most days I am successful.
     I must say though that, during the past 12 days, not a day passed where I wasn’t trying to figure out how I could squeeze in some time to blog.  But some how between dinner preparations, helping my son with homework, working out, and other wifely duties, I was just too pooped to read or to write. Yikes! I always feel as though I can never get everything done, but I don’t stress over it, because there is always tomorrow. Now, although I didn’t make or have time (depending on how you look at it) to blog, I did make time to intensify my workout routine and I am excited about that. There’s always a trade off and that’s what I try to remind myself. Okay, so I didn’t get one thing done, but I did accomplish something else in its place and that counts; right? Someone please help me on this one…

The Economics of You: Are You Ready?

   Today I read another eye opening article in the NY Times about unemployment and the economy.  Below is the link.  Take a moment to read this article because I believe that this is excellent motivation as to why we shouldn’t become complacent in our personal and professional lives.  We must continue to learn new skills to market ourselves and to remain current in the job market.  Regardless of the false sense of job security you may have with your employer nothing is guaranteed anymore.

          While the article reports that, “men have suffered the largest numbers of job losses in this recession,” it also reported that, “women from 45 to 64 years of age — whose long-term unemployment rate has grown rapidly.” You may be under 45, employed and think that you're safe from the rhetoric, but you're not.  You may be 45 or older and feel safe, but should be careful to not be overly confident.  Regardless if you’re married, single, engaged or just simply have a special friend, I believe that we should care for ourselves just as we care for our families. For those of us who have a significant other, at any given time, that person could no longer be a part of our lives.  For those who are single, I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know- that your paycheck is the only paycheck and losing your income could make the difference in having a warm place to live or sleeping on the street or in a shelter.   

Dinner: A Quick Fix

If you have any form of a family living in your home, and you take some responsibility for meal preparation, then on some occasion (probably many) you’ve undoubtedly made your way home agonizing over what you were going to cook for dinner.  Let me first say that I am extremely grateful and thankful that I have a job, a home, a family, and food in my cupboard to prepare a meal. With that said, I always feel like I have to be the one to decide what’s for dinner and sometimes it’s frustrating.  I’ll ask my husband, what he’d like for dinner and his response is always the same predictable but pleasant response, “what ever you want to cook.”  Some days, I want to say, how about sautéed Alpo?  To give my husband credit, he’s trying to be accommodating by leaving the decision to me and not demanding steak and potatoes or a four course meal every night.

CAREERS: New & Changing

The other day I read an online newsletter, which prompted me to write this post. So for those of you who are thinking about changing careers or re-entering the slumping job market, check out monster's online journalism newsletter. I love this newsletter because it provides current but concise tips that can help you get up to speed on job search tips. Visit http://www.monster.com/?disRe=true  and click on the "advice" tab and begin searching for a topic of interest. You may not agree with every statement, so pick and chose what will work for you, but I am certain that if you've been out of the job market for awhile, you will learn a few tricks to help you along. If you don't have time to read the information right away; print it out- make a "career" folder and read it when you have short pockets of time.

LIQUIDATE FOR A BETTER LIFE

STOP! Slowly inhale through your nose... hold it... now slowly exhale through your mouth. Repeat two or three times. I am instructing you to do so because so many of you- I mean “us” are or at some point, have been caught up in the race of living. We begin our day by getting out of bed feeling fatigued. Immediately, our minds begin to race with all the “to do’s” of the day and before we’ve even brushed our teeth, we’re sighing with trepidation. This is ridiculous! We cannot be everything to everyone in our household. Understand that the world will not stop revolving if every item does not get checked off on your "to do" list is important.

BOARDING SCHOOL: Part-Time Parenting?

Recently I ran into a friend and former colleague, whom I haven’t seen in many years. We briefly chatted about our careers & our families. He mentioned that his job required him to travel so his children attended boarding school. All of his comments about boarding school were positive. For some reason, the one comment that stood out in my mind was that, “it really helped with the homework thing.”

His comment really got me to thinking about boarding school. Could I send my son to a boarding school? Would he receive a better education there? Exclusive of academics, what else would my son learn? Hmm… I certainly understand what he said about homework. Any responsible parent, who lived through the arduous experience of helping their child with homework, will tell you it can be exhaustive, challenging, and a real test of your patience.

Mother May I...

Have you considered inviting your mother to live with you? It’s been nearly six years since my husband and I moved my 76 year old mother in with us. With idealistic intensions and unrealistic expectations, we welcomed her into our home. I’m not quite sure where to begin, but I will start by saying, think long and carefully before you take this step. We are at a juncture now, where we think we made a mistake.